I will try to regularly pose a question to spark conversation/debate. Feel free to answer or comment, but try not to be offensive or mean!
If you discovered the cure to a killer disease, that would save millions of people in the world, would you give it freely, or cash in?????
Monday, 4 July 2011
How did I get here?
Right, a brief history of me. Up until about three weeks ago, I was a student nurse. First year. I was working 37.5 hours a week, driving nearly 100 miles a day to get to my placement hospital, getting up at 5am to start work at 7:30, sometimes doing a 14 hour shift, then getting home at 22:30. I should mention here that I also have three young children and a husband, and so when I was getting home had lunch boxes, uniforms and all that stuff to sort out and organise for the next day. Then, time to sit and relax? No. Next comes assignments to research and write, and exams to revise for. And pressure. Constant pressure to do well. I wanted to graduate with First Class honours, so needed to maintain 75% (I thnk)in essays and exams in order to achieve this.
I enjoyed university, and nursing, was brilliant with patients, and doing very well academically, but something, somewhere wasn't right. Did I really want to be a nurse forever? It wasn't my dream job, I had originally wanted to be a midwife, but hadn't been accepted for the midwifery degree (due to over-subscription, you understand!), and had come into nursing as a 'plan B.
My placement hospital was excellent, and I liked all the staff. They were friendly,helpful,supportive and straight away made me feel part of the team, so there was no problem there. The drive was long, but not awful. The workload was stressful, but I was organised and doing fine. My husband and family were supportive and helpful, sharing school runs, washing and cooking. I was getting a good bursary, and had more money than ever before, certainly not a poor student. So why was I feeling so strange? Palpitations, upset stomachs, the feeling of a lump in my throat all the time (Globus Hystericus I have since found out), feeling dizzy and off balance, headaches, constant tiredness, no, not tiredness, exhaustion. The list of odd symptoms was growing longer by the week, but I hesitated to see a doctor, feeling that they would not be able to unscramble this mishmash of ailments, and give me a definitive illness. I had had blood tests recently, and had no thyroid problem, a good blood count, and no anaemia. What was wrong with me?
I soon found out when things came to a head about a month ago. It was a Wednesday morning, and I had got up at 05:00 (again) and was driving to work. One of the funny things that I had been experiencing recently, was a sudden feeling that I was going to faint. This would often happen, wait for it, while I was singing in the car. No idea why. It would feel like the exertion of singing made me lightheaded, and I would have to stop. I must be a very vigorous singer. So this had been happening all during my drive. I would sing, feel faint, stop, wait a few minutes, try again, and it would happen again. Then, all of a sudden, about ten miles from work, I felt dreadful. My head was crawling, my neck was hot, my lips tingling and arms tingling, and it felt like my vision was going black around the edges. I was going to pass out. Whilst driving at 75 mph. I had to stop the car, now. I pulled over at the side of the road, opened the window all the way, turned the engine off, and freaked out. I didn't know what to do. Try and get to work? Turn around and go home? Call an ambulance? I did the only thing I could think of at the time; rang my mum. At 6:30 in the morning.
And here I think I'll leave it for today, and finish tomorrow. This is enough for anyone to read in one go, without getting palpitations, feeling faint and dizzy....or is that just me?!
I enjoyed university, and nursing, was brilliant with patients, and doing very well academically, but something, somewhere wasn't right. Did I really want to be a nurse forever? It wasn't my dream job, I had originally wanted to be a midwife, but hadn't been accepted for the midwifery degree (due to over-subscription, you understand!), and had come into nursing as a 'plan B.
My placement hospital was excellent, and I liked all the staff. They were friendly,helpful,supportive and straight away made me feel part of the team, so there was no problem there. The drive was long, but not awful. The workload was stressful, but I was organised and doing fine. My husband and family were supportive and helpful, sharing school runs, washing and cooking. I was getting a good bursary, and had more money than ever before, certainly not a poor student. So why was I feeling so strange? Palpitations, upset stomachs, the feeling of a lump in my throat all the time (Globus Hystericus I have since found out), feeling dizzy and off balance, headaches, constant tiredness, no, not tiredness, exhaustion. The list of odd symptoms was growing longer by the week, but I hesitated to see a doctor, feeling that they would not be able to unscramble this mishmash of ailments, and give me a definitive illness. I had had blood tests recently, and had no thyroid problem, a good blood count, and no anaemia. What was wrong with me?
I soon found out when things came to a head about a month ago. It was a Wednesday morning, and I had got up at 05:00 (again) and was driving to work. One of the funny things that I had been experiencing recently, was a sudden feeling that I was going to faint. This would often happen, wait for it, while I was singing in the car. No idea why. It would feel like the exertion of singing made me lightheaded, and I would have to stop. I must be a very vigorous singer. So this had been happening all during my drive. I would sing, feel faint, stop, wait a few minutes, try again, and it would happen again. Then, all of a sudden, about ten miles from work, I felt dreadful. My head was crawling, my neck was hot, my lips tingling and arms tingling, and it felt like my vision was going black around the edges. I was going to pass out. Whilst driving at 75 mph. I had to stop the car, now. I pulled over at the side of the road, opened the window all the way, turned the engine off, and freaked out. I didn't know what to do. Try and get to work? Turn around and go home? Call an ambulance? I did the only thing I could think of at the time; rang my mum. At 6:30 in the morning.
And here I think I'll leave it for today, and finish tomorrow. This is enough for anyone to read in one go, without getting palpitations, feeling faint and dizzy....or is that just me?!
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Where to start, where to start......?
This will be my first ever post, in my first ever blog, and the first time anyone other than a parent or teacher has read what I have written. It is very hard to know where to start, and I'm really not sure how much you are supposed to write for a blog post. I am not worried about writing too little, quite the opposite!
Initially, maybe we could start with today. Today, is my 31st birthday, and I feel this is as good a time as any to embark upon this textual adventure. I have been thinking about doing some writing of some form for a while, but had no direction or experience, and no clue what to write or where to start. Then today, the idea of a blog came to me. I can write about what I know (apparently a good place to start), and see what happens. I can write as much or as little as I want and maybe get some feedback. So this blog will be my baby, for me to nurture and watch grow.
I would like it to be a pleasant place of honesty, peace and self discovery. I will write about what has happened to make me the 31 year old that sits here today, what happens next, how I feel, the things I want out of life now, and food. I will probably write about food, because it is one of my favourite things. This will not be a collection of short stories, or experimental poetry, just my life.
I hope that it is interesting, and that the things I write about might give someone else support if they need it. Not through wisdom, but just through shared experiences and knowing you are not alone. Maybe for some, you will read what I write and recognise parts of yourself, which is either comforting or ghastly!
Please bear with me. There is a lot I want to tell you, and while in it's infancy, this blog may seem a little disorganised, amateur, and disjointed, but I hope that by the time it finds it's feet, and begins life as a toddler, things will smooth out and begin to make sense. I think we will have fun, and a good chat.
So, I welcome you into the living room of my mind (it's shabby chic by design), take a seat, please be nice, and feel free to bring flowers!
Initially, maybe we could start with today. Today, is my 31st birthday, and I feel this is as good a time as any to embark upon this textual adventure. I have been thinking about doing some writing of some form for a while, but had no direction or experience, and no clue what to write or where to start. Then today, the idea of a blog came to me. I can write about what I know (apparently a good place to start), and see what happens. I can write as much or as little as I want and maybe get some feedback. So this blog will be my baby, for me to nurture and watch grow.
I would like it to be a pleasant place of honesty, peace and self discovery. I will write about what has happened to make me the 31 year old that sits here today, what happens next, how I feel, the things I want out of life now, and food. I will probably write about food, because it is one of my favourite things. This will not be a collection of short stories, or experimental poetry, just my life.
I hope that it is interesting, and that the things I write about might give someone else support if they need it. Not through wisdom, but just through shared experiences and knowing you are not alone. Maybe for some, you will read what I write and recognise parts of yourself, which is either comforting or ghastly!
Please bear with me. There is a lot I want to tell you, and while in it's infancy, this blog may seem a little disorganised, amateur, and disjointed, but I hope that by the time it finds it's feet, and begins life as a toddler, things will smooth out and begin to make sense. I think we will have fun, and a good chat.
So, I welcome you into the living room of my mind (it's shabby chic by design), take a seat, please be nice, and feel free to bring flowers!
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